EXTRA: The 1979 Walnut Groovy Awards

Well, it’s that time of year again, when I trudge down to our basement and try to find some memorabilia from the Walnut Groovy Awards. (You may recall the WGA was a ceremony held annually at the Thunderbird Minneapolis Hotel that recognized Little House’s best – and not-so-best – episodes, performances, music, memorable moments, and the like.)

In our basement, I always worry I’m not going to find my Groovies stash, since I’m terribly disorganized. Someday maybe I won’t; but this time, after moving several bins of Halloween costumes and heavy opera LPs, sure enough, there it was: an old-fashioned “banker’s box” marked Groovies 1979.

I thought I had gone through all the Walnut Groovy Awards boxes pretty thoroughly by this point, but I must have missed this one. Its contents were certainly surprising.

Because you’d think I would have remembered the participation of the Muppets, whom Michael Landon somehow convinced to host the ceremony that year!

(1979 was the year The Muppet Movie came out, so it’s not such a weird idea when you stop to think about it. In fact, it makes perfect sense.)

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, a Muppets/Little House collab is the sort of event you’d expect would be documented all over the internet. But from my googling (admittedly cursory) I couldn’t find that these historical artifacts have been shared literally – anywhere – before. I’ll admit I have a sense of pride at having unearthed these treasures.

In fact – and believe me when I tell you you’re not going to believe this – the internet seems strangely ignorant of the Groovies altogether. After I submitted the query What were the Walnut Groovy Awards? to Google’s so-called “AI Overview,” it responded:

The “Walnut Groovy Awards” are not a real or established award show, and the term likely doesn’t refer to any specific event or organization. The name “Walnut Groovy Awards” sounds unusual and doesn’t resemble the names of any known award shows or organizations. It’s possible that you may be thinking of a different award show or event, or that the name is a typo or a misunderstanding.

Now I ask you, reader . . . have you ever heard such idiocy? It just goes to show you can’t believe everything AI tells you.

Anyways, I feel I have a duty to set the record straight and share my incontrovertible evidence of the Groovies’ existence with the world. Without further ado, please enjoy a rundown and a few pics from the 1979 Walnut Groovy Awards. – WK

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BEST STUNT: Albert and Laura fight a hobo on the side of a moving train (“The Odyssey”)

For a 45-minute episode, “The Odyssey” is an outsize story, epic in ways both good (the Pacific Ocean!) and bad (foreshadowing Albert’s death!).

But it reaches its highest heights when the Ingalls sibbies do battle with Ferret the terrifying hobo on the outside of a speeding boxcar. As usual, Laura kicks ass – only this time she does it literally.

Runners-up: The Reverend Alden has a threesome (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), John Bevins falls down the ladder (“The Man Inside”), Albert becomes a Hail Mary pass (“The Winoka Warriors’), Ma gets KO-ed by a two-by-four (“The Wedding”), Carrie knocks the privy over (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Jordan Harrison falls (“Blind Man’s Bluff”), Aunt Helen climbs the telephone pole (“The Godsister”), Toby Noe grapples with the Widow Mumford (“Dance With Me”), Mrs. Oleson ziplines into the river (“Blind Journey”)

BEST MUSIC: David Rose (“The Enchanted Cottage,” “Mortal Mission“)

David had a terrific season.

While “The Enchanted Cottage” isn’t a favorite of mine, I’d be the last to suggest its music is anything but perfect. It reaches out and claws at your emotions, just like a permanently blind woman would claw at a window. Often shimmeringly beautiful, too.

On the other hand, the score in “Mortal Mission” is a raw, throbbing heartbeat without which this all-time classic episode would lose much of its tension.

Runner-up: David Rose (“The Man Inside,” “Blind Journey,” “The Godsister,” “The Craftsman,” “‘Dance With Me,’” “Barn Burner,” “The Odyssey“)

WORST MUSIC: David Rose (“Blind Man’s Bluff“)

Whether you agree here depends on how fond you are of incessant circus music. It was a bit much for me.

Runners-up: David Rose (“Harriet’s Happenings,” “Men Will Be Boys”)

BEST ORIGINAL SONG (SPECIAL AWARD): David Rose (“The Artful Albert”) (various)

Readers have noted how unusual it is for our characters to have their own musical themes, Mr. Edwards of course excepted. Without question, Albert’s tune is the “Old Dan Tucker” of Season Five; and its repeated use would definitely be irritating . . . if David’s melody weren’t so darn charming.

MOST ORIGINAL SONG (SPECIAL AWARD): David Rose, “995-419” (“There’s No Place Like Home”)

Speaking of irritating, Toby Noe’s impromptu musical number is more divisive, but there’s no denying it’s a surprising and memorable Season Five moment.

BEST SHOWSTOPPERS (SPECIAL AWARD): Ketty Lester (“‘Dance With Me,’” “Mortal Mission”)

Ketty Lester, a marvelous singer, was underappreciated in the recording career she had before turning to acting. But Michael Landon recognized greatness when he saw (or heard) it, and so it’s no surprise he took advantage of her talent for all it was worth. Brava, Hester-Sue.

WEIRDEST MUSICAL SOLO, REAL OR FAKE (SPECIAL AWARD): Wiggins the Crazy Old Harmonica Man (“There’s No Place Like Home”)

I don’t know whose idea it was to overdub old W’s harmonica rather than record him live, but the effect is bizarre, and a little eerie.

Runner-up: Melissa Sue Anderson (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Tom Clancy (Shaughnessy the Irish Cook, “The Godsister”), John Steadman (“The Odyssey“)

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: TIE: Haskell B. Boggs (“Barn Burner“), Ted Voigtlander (“The Godsister“)

Every year it’s the same question: Ted or Haskell B., Ted or Haskell B.? Well, this time around, the Academy split its ticket, recognizing Haskell B.’s dark and moody lighting, which captures the tone of “Barn Burner” perfectly, AS WELL AS Ted’s delightfully inventive work for “The Godsister,” one of the wackiest Little House stories of them all.

Runners-up: Haskell B. Boggs (“There’s No Place Like Home,” “‘Someone Please Love Me’”), Ted Voigtlander (“As Long as We’re Together,” “Fagin,” “The Wedding,” “The Craftsman,” “‘Dance With Me,’” “The Enchanted Cottage,” “The Odyssey”)

WORST SNOW IN LITTLE HOUSE HISTORY (SPECIAL AWARD): “Mortal Mission”

No comment from this real-life resident of the icy North.

BEST SCREENPLAY: Don Balluck (“Barn Burner“)

After making a problematic debut with the weirdly conflicted “The Aftermath” last season, Don Balluck mostly has contributed comic screenplays like “Men Will Be Boys” and “The Godsister.” Who would have thought he’d have a sustained laser blast like “Barn Burner” in him? Not me. And while some of our commentators found this dark courtroom drama a little “un-Little House,” the Academy was nevertheless blown away.

Runners-up:  John T. Dugan (“Harriet’s Happenings,” “Blind Journey” (with Carole and Michael Raschella), “The Lake Kezia Monster,” “Mortal Mission”), Arthur Heinemann (“The Wedding,” “Blind Man’s Bluff”), Michael Landon (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “There’s No Place Like Home,” “‘Someone Please Love Me’”), Carole and Michael Raschella (“The Odyssey“), Paul Wolff (“The Craftsman,” “‘Dance With Me’”)

WORST SCREENPLAY: Don Balluck (“The Enchanted Cottage“) 

But just like many of us in 2025 so far, Balluck didn’t have a perfect year in 1979. “The Enchanted Cottage” has its fans, but the screenplay itself is thin stuff, with a lot of repetition and fluff.

Runners-up: Michael Landon (“The Man Inside”), Carole and Michael Raschella (“The Sound of Children”)

BEST DIRECTION: Michael Landon (“‘Dance With Me‘”)

As a character, Toby Noe divides fans, and some who love him prefer his original story, “There’s No Place Like Home.” But the Academy was charmed by “‘Dance With Me,'” in which director Landon sustains a perfect tone throughout: it’s funny, yes, but also thoughtful and genuinely touching. Plus it’s full of his signature visual touches, notably the buildup to his director’s credit in the opening sequence. He was a total showoff, but always left us wanting more.

Runners-up: William F. Claxton (“Blind Journey,” “The Enchanted Cottage,” “Mortal Mission“), Michael Landon (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “The Wedding,” “The Godsister,” “The Craftsman,” “Barn Burner,” “‘Someone Please Love Me,’” “The Odyssey”)

WORST DIRECTION: William F. Claxton (“Harriet’s Happenings”)

Given its clear inspiration in Landon’s personal life, I’m quite surprised he didn’t direct this episode. His thumbprints may be all over it, but ultimately Clax must share the blame for overindulging the boss. The finale, in which Charles practically smashes through the Fourth Wall to attack Rupert Murdoch, is badly misjudged.

BEST MAKEUP: Allan “Whitey” Snyder (“There’s No Place Like Home”)

Karl Swenson’s “stroke acting” was so good in this one that our commentators speculated he had suffered one in real life. Whitey Synder’s makeup makes the effect even stronger, and it’s hard for any Little House fan to experience Mr. Hanson’s reveal without gasping in shock.

Runner-up: Allan “Whitey” Snyder (“Fagin,” “The Lake Kezia Monster”)

WORST HAIR (SPECIAL AWARD): Linwood Boomer (“The Wedding”)

It may be Larry Germain didn’t have time to redo everybody’s hair for the dust storm sequence in this one, but whatever the reason, Adam’s messy pre-storm look is a little too noticeable.

Runners-up: Richard Bull (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), Matt Clark (Seth Berwick, “Mortal Mission”), David Hooks (Mr. Ames, “Blind Journey”), Matthew Labyorteaux (“Fagin”), Michael Landon (“The Cheaters”), Katherine MacGregor (“Blind Journey”)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ANIMAL (OR ANIMALS): Percy Cooper the Cat (“‘Dance With Me‘”)

Cats are rarely featured on Little House, probably because they’re notorious prima donnas. I don’t know where they found this one, but he’s the epitome of a controlled actor. He doesn’t even break character when Bandit jumps onto the table with him!

Runners-up: Bunny 5 (“Blind Man’s Bluff”), Albert’s Catfish (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), The Chonkies (“Blind Journey”), Fancy the Horse (“The Enchanted Cottage”), Kezia’s Gigantic Horse (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), the Emaciated Winoka Horses (“Blind Journey”), the Winoka Firewagon Horses (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Jeffrey (Bandit, “‘Dance With Me,’” “The Lake Kezia Monster”), Bigwig the Snared Rabbit (“Men Will Be Boys”), the Giant Spider (“The Godsister”)

WORST PERFORMANCE BY AN ANIMAL (OR ANIMALS): Parrot Polly (“The Lake Kezia Monster”)

The Academy was surprisingly fond of this silly story, but Landon & Co. got a big thumbs-down for allowing Polly to peck poor Jeffrey’s head. Hopefully they got the shot in a single take.

Runners-up: The Dead Horse in the Bog (“The Godsister”), the Moose Head (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), the Dead Sheep (“Mortal Mission”), “Wings” (Mrs. Oleson’s dead bird) (“Blind Journey”)

BEST ANIMAL IMPERSONATIONS (SPECIAL AWARD): Michael Landon (Percy the Cat,“‘Dance With Me,’” and Parrot Polly, “The Lake Kezia Monster”)

The monster’s coming, the monster’s coming! Michael Landon loved his little jokes, and in both these stories he has a blast doing goofy voices for the animal characters.

MVP GROVESTER: BEST NON-SPEAKING TOWNSPERSON: The Medieval Peasant Woman (various)

I suppose we have Richalene Kelsay to thank for this simple-yet-oh-so-pointy bonnet, which draws the eye every time it appears on camera.

Runners-up: Not-Neil Diamond (“Fagin”), Melonhead (“The Winoka Warriors”)

WORST NON-SPEAKING TOWNSPERSON: Herbert Diamond (“The Man Inside”)

As the neglected son of a rail baron who gave up the privileged life to live as a simple Grovester, Herbert Diamond’s always been a likable background figure. That’s why it was so shocking when he cracks up as the awful Smitty bullies John Bevins. How could you, Herbie?

Runner-up: The Insane Cackling Bearded Tramp (“Men Will Be Boys“)

BEST FEATURED TOWNSPERSON: TIE: The Widow Mumford (“‘Dance With Me‘”), Thomas the Blond Freckle-Faced Moppet (“‘As Long as We’re Together,” “The Wedding,” “Mortal Mission“)

What more is there to say about Ysabel McCloskey, except that she steals the show out from under Ray Fucking Bolger – twice! A comic performance for the ages.

And on the sadder side, Ivan Wideman and Vince Tortell give the tragic Thomas an unexpectedly poignant thread. R.I.P., kid.

Runners-up: Jason Brooks (“‘Dance With Me’”), Old Man Brower (“The Craftsman”), Sarah Caulder (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Mrs. Channing (“Men Will Be Boys”), the Sleepy Eye Constable (“Men Will Be Boys”), Mrs. Foster (“The Enchanted Cottage”), Mr. Gargan (“‘Someone Please Love Me’”), Big Dumb Luke Hoskins (“The Winoka Warriors”), Old Jasper (“The Odyssey”), Josie the Barmaid (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “There’s No Place Like Home”), Adele Larrabee (“Barn Burner”), Zacchaeus McCabe (“The Odyssey“), Mustache Man (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Ned the Comical Fellow (“‘Dance With Me’”), Bess Slade (“Mortal Mission“), Gwen Whittaker (“The Odyssey“)

WORST FEATURED TOWNSPERSON: Jud Lar[r]abee (“Blind Journey,” “The Craftsman,” “Barn Burner”)

Little House fans despise Jud Lar[r]abee, the hateful, abusive racist whose spite and cruelty baffle Jonathan Garvey again and again. They should not hate Don “Red” Barry, though, whose performance captures Jud’s pitiful smallness as well as his more flamboyant nasty qualities.

Runners-up: Garth Fenton (“Mortal Mission“), Ferret the Hobo (“The Odyssey”), Harlan the Bouncer (“‘As Long as We’re Together’”), Lem Larrabee (“The Craftsman”), Zeke Larrabee (“The Craftsman”), Denzil “Denzel” McCauley (“Fagin”), Hank Slade (“Mortal Mission“), Smitty the Winoka Grotesque (“The Man Inside”), Snake the Brakeman (“The Odyssey”)

MOST POINTLESS HISTORICAL CAMEO (SPECIAL AWARD): William Randolph Hearst (“The Odyssey”)

I don’t know what they were going for here, but portraying the pioneer of “yellow journalism” as a kind-hearted, model-handsome do-gooder is a weird choice – doubly so in a season that also features Charles ranting against amoral trends in publishing.

Runners-up: John Wilkes Booth (various)

BEST FIGHT: Jonathan Garvey beats up Standish’s goons (“‘As Long as We’re We’re Together‘”)

Oh, how I love this scene. The not-easily-riled Garvey settling the score with these stupid brutes for hurting his friend is a pleasure to watch, every. single. time. And Standish offering him a job immediately after is the icing on the cake.

Runners-up: Charles brutalizes Snake the Brakeman (“The Odyssey”), Laura punches Nellie in the eye (“Fagin”)

BEST HICCUPING (SPECIAL AWARD): Brenda or Wendi Turnbaugh (The Man Inside”)

Not much to say about this one, except that Baby Grace’s hiccups when Laura is puzzling over the mysterious Bevins family are adorable.

MOST SHOCKING MOMENT (SPECIAL AWARD): Carrie says “Oh, damn” (“‘As Long as We’re Together’”)

A lot of competition in this category this year; but in the end Little House doesn’t get more jaw-dropping than when our beloved Ing-Gal becomes the first member of the family to use profanity onscreen.

Runners-up: Seth Berwick strangles Virgil Fenton’s corpse (“Mortal Mission”), John Bevins hears his family talking about how fat he is (“The Man Inside”), Mrs. Caulder’s true age is revealed (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Andrew Garvey is assaulted by Jud Larrabee (“Barn Burner”), Mr. Hanson is gravely ill (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Albert smokes (“The Godsister”), Ma gets knocked out by a two-by-four (“The Wedding”), Ma shames Laura (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Carrie is attacked by a giant spider (“The Godsister”), Jack reappears (“The Godsister”), Adam goes insane on the riverbank (“Blind Journey”), Joe Kagan punches Adam unconscious (“Blind Journey”), Mary is exposed as a sightless fraud (“The Enchanted Cottage”), Jud Larrabee is not redeemed (“Barn Burner”), Saint Matthew appears (“The Godsister”), the Widow Mumford sexually assaults Toby Noe (“‘Dance with Me’”), Thomas the Blond Freckle-Faced Moppet dies of anthrax (“Mortal Mission”), Nels becomes a swamp zombie (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), Nels threatens to kill Jud Larrabee (“Barn Burner”), Mrs. Oleson stands up for the Black community (“Blind Journey”), Shaughnessy’s still explodes (“The Godsister”), Hester-Sue does NOT sing (“Blind Journey”), Dylan Whittaker goes translucent (“The Odyssey”)

BEST COSTUMES: Richalene Kelsay, “The Lake Kezia Monster”

I tend to take the costumes on this show for granted, but they’re in full focus in “The Lake Kezia Monster.” Clearly Richalene Kelsay had fun realizing Mrs. Oleson’s fantasia of the Gilded Age good life.

Runner-up: Mike Termini, “Mortal Mission“

BEST SLEEPWEAR (SPECIAL AWARD): Mr. Ames (“The Man Inside“)

The lovable, doomed Mr. Ames might be the unsung hero of Season Five. I suppose some would quibble with that characterization, but one thing’s for sure: He has bold taste in jammies.

Runners-up: Amanda Cooper (“‘Dance with Me’”), Albert (“‘Dance With Me’”), Mrs. Oleson (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), Nels (“Blind Journey”), Willie (“The Lake Kezia Monster”)

GROOVIEST JACKET IN THE HISTORY OF LITTLE HOUSE (SPECIAL AWARD): Jonathan Garvey (“Mortal Mission”)

Somebody send me a replica of this garment for my next birthday, please.

Runners-up: Seth Berwick’s loud but handsome plaid jacket (“Mortal Mission“), Garth Fenton’s leather overcoat (“Mortal Mission“), Jonathan Garvey’s denim jacket (“Men Will Be Boys,” “The Godsister”)

UGLIEST GET-UP IN THE HISTORY OF LITTLE HOUSE (SO FAR) (SPECIAL AWARD): Mrs. Oleson’s “watermelon” dress (“Blind Journey“)

It’s almost unfair to describe this fantastic composition as “ugly.” It’s more like something beautiful from another dimension . . . and of our merry Grovesters, only Harriet would have the bravery to pull it off.

SEXIEST NON-SEXY OUTFIT (SPECIAL AWARD): Caroline (various)

One of the best new elements of Season Five is Caroline’s orange top – so flattering, it earned a nickname from Dagny.

(It was “Boobilicious.”)

Runners-up: Sexy Bandana Alice Garvey (various), Charles (“‘Someone Please Love Me‘”), Leslie Harper (“‘Someone Please Love Me’”), Adam (“Mortal Mission”), Hester-Sue (various)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY FOOD: The cupcakes (“‘Dance With Me‘”)

Somebody clearly had cupcakes on the brain with this one, and it’s hard to say whether Toby Noe or Percy Cooper was more excited about that.

Runners-up: The bowl of apples in the Oleson Institute (“Blind Man’s Bluff”), the giant fruit (“The Godsister”), the fresh peaches and oranges (“‘Dance With Me’”), the food scraps falling out of Miz Schiller’s mouth (“‘As Long as We’re Together’”)

WORST PERFORMANCE BY FOOD: The rotten mutton in the burlap sacks (“Mortal Mission”)

Gross. Gag, barf!

BEST GHOST (SPECIAL AWARD): Jack (“As Long as We’re Together,” “The Godsister”)

The late Jack Ingalls made two surprise appearances this season, and everybody in the audience was glad to see him. (Except Dagny.)

BEST SPOKEN-WORD TRACK (SPECIAL AWARD): “The Love I See” (Sue Goodspeed, “The Man Inside”)

Even more so than Thomas the Blind Freckle-Faced Moppet, Sue Goodspeed was a star amongst the Grovester students this year. Michelle Downey had multiple opportunities to shine (her hysterical screaming of “I’m here!” in “The Wedding” is great).

But for me, her finest moment is Sue’s lush and dreamy prose poem saluting her favorite obese handyman, John Bevins. God bless you, Sue Goodspeed!

BEST CRYING: TIE: Karen Grassle (“There’s No Place Like Home“), Matthew Labyorteaux (“Fagin”)

This category’s always competitive, but this year the Academy refused to choose between two true Olympians of weeping.

Runners-up: Melissa Sue Anderson (“As Long as We’re Together,” “The Wedding,” “The Enchanted Cottage”), John Bleifer (“The Craftsman”), Melissa Gilbert (“As Long as We’re Together,” “Fagin,” “Blind Man’s Bluff,” “The Enchanted Cottage”), Lindsay and Sidney Greenbush (“As Long as We’re Together”), Matthew Labyorteaux (“The Craftsman”), Michael Landon (“There’s No Place Like Home,” “Fagin,” “The Enchanted Cottage”)

MOST GLARING MISSPELLING (SPECIAL AWARD): Erich Schiller crashes and burns on “Repetitious” (“Harriet’s Happenings”)

“Repititious”???

Runners-up: The “No Confderate [sic] Money” wagon in Winoka (“The Wedding”)

HIGHEST WAIST IN LITTLE HOUSE HISTORY (SPECIAL AWARD): Linwood Boomer (Adam, various)

Turns out Old Dan Tucker wasn’t the only pioneer who “buttoned his britches up round his throat.” They might have had to use jaws of life to get him out of them, in fact.

KISSIEST EPISODE IN LITTLE HOUSE HISTORY (SPECIAL AWARD): “The Wedding”

I’m not sure if it was scripted or if Grassle just went all wild-lips on the set. But there’s no question whether this award was deserved. It’s not even close.

STRANGEST CASE OF SEPARATED AT BIRTH TWINS (SPECIAL AWARD): Samantha Harper/Alicia Sanderson (“‘Someone Please Love Me’”)

Twentieth Century TV often brought back previously featured actors in new roles. But Little House crossed the line into weirdness by bringing back a former regular, Kyle Richards, to play the daughter of the unhappy horse trader in “‘Someone Please Love Me.'”

(Also, they should have called it “‘Someone Please Tell Me Why Kyle Richards is Always Worrying About Heaven on This Show.'”)

Runners-up:  Seth Berwick/Eric Boulton (“Mortal Mission“), Frank Carlin/Wendell Loudy (“The Winoka Warriors”), Sue Goodspeed/Sarah Miller (“As Long as We’re Together”), Albert/Young Charles (“‘As Long as We’re Together‘”), Erich Schiller/Viktor Pyatakov (“Harriet’s Happenings”), Maria Schiller/Fanya Pyatakov (“Harriet’s Happenings”), Jeb Standish/Harold Watson (“As Long as We’re Together”), Hester-Sue/Janie Kagan (“Blind Journey“) 

MOST IMPRESSIVE STAND-IN (SPECIAL AWARD): The Ambiguously Ethnic Kid as Andrew Garvey on horseback

Pretty sure this is our AEK playing Andy as he races to report Jud Lar[r]abee’s crime. Nice riding!

(But next time, please – take the lantern.)

LEAST CONVINCING STAND-IN (SPECIAL AWARD): Mustache Man as Jonathan Garvey

Jack Lilley made an excellent stand-in for Victor French the first few seasons, but there’s little chance anyone would mistake him for the hulking Merlin O.

BIGGEST EXPLOSION (SO FAR) (SPECIAL AWARD): Shaughnessy’s still explodes (“The Godsister“)

In Seasons One through Four, we saw explosions here and there. There was the accident that killed the English “powder monkey” in “100 Mile Walk,” the dynamiting of the mountain in “To Live With Fear,” etc. But these were mostly small, and always in service to the plot.

No more. In Season Five, Michael Landon began coming out of the closet as a pyromaniac, or I suppose explode-o-maniac might be a better term.

First he closed out the Winoka cycle by giving the evil Mr. Standish’s saloon a death by fireworks.

But he saved the biggest bang for “The Godsister.” It’s the first time he ever blew up a whole house, and he did it for no reason whatsoever. Some would call it an eerie precursor to the series finale, but I loved it.

Runners-up: Junior Standish lights fireworks indoors (“There’s No Place Like Home”)

BEST PERFORMANCE (GUEST CAST): Ray Bolger (Toby Noe, “There’s No Place Like Home,” “‘Dance With Me’”)

I’ve never loved the Toby Noe episodes, but this Project is about reassessing the series, and having rewatched them closely I came to the conclusion that they’re really both very good. A big part of the magic comes from the sparkling Ray Bolger, who could never be accused of phoning it in for the small screen. He’s marvelous.

Runners-up: E.J. André (Saint Peter, “The Godsister”), John Bleifer (Isaac Singerman, “The Craftsman”), Marcus Chong (Samson, “Blind Journey”), Tom Clancy (Shaughnessy, “The Godsister”), Jeff Corey (Judge Parker, “Barn Burner”), Ike Eisenmann (Erich Schiller, “Harriet’s Happenings”), Julie Ann Haddock (Amelia Bevins, “The Man Inside”), David Hooks (Mr. Ames, “Blind Journey”), King Moody (Otto Schiller, “Harriet’s Happenings”), Steve Shaw (Dylan Whittaker, “The Odyssey”), Jenny Sullivan (Leslie Harper, “‘Someone Please Love Me’”)

WORST PERFORMANCE (GUEST CAST): Charles Cioffi (Bret Harper, “‘Someone Please Love Me’”)

Charles Cioffi terrified me in Klute, and he’s certainly intense here. But it would take more than that to get us to identify with Bret Harper, a troubled but extremely unpleasant character. In the end, Cioffi’s acting is perhaps just too subtle (a rare problem on Little House).

CRAZIEST GOOD/BAD PERFORMANCE: Anne Ramsey (Miz Schiller, “‘As Long as We’re Together’”)

One of my favorite categories. What can you possibly say about Anne Ramsey’s performance in “‘As Long as We’re Together‘”? Nothing, except “Let’s watch that part again.”

Runners-up: Hermione Baddeley (“The Lake Kezia Monster“), Leon Charles (Miles Standish, “There’s No Place Like Home”), Matt Clark (Seth Berwick, “Mortal Mission”), Katherine MacGregor (various)

BEST IMITATION OF AN ORGASM SINCE CAROLINE GAVE BIRTH TO FREDDIE (SPECIAL AWARD): Linwood Boomer, “The Wedding”

Michael Landon obviously encouraged his male actors to express emotions in ways atypical for the classic Western tradition he came from. And boy, does Linwood Boomer express something here.

BEST DOUBLE ACT (SPECIAL AWARD): Carrie and Alyssa (“The Godsister”)

The Greenbush twins are in an acting class of their own, as Little House fans have often remarked. With the sisters’ in-joke chemistry in “The Godsister,” it’s hard to tell who’s having more fun: them, or us.

Runners-up: Bandit and Percy Cooper (“‘Dance With Me’”), Doc and Mr. Hanson (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Mr. and Mrs. Caulder (“There’s No Place Like Home”), the Chonkies (“Blind Journey”), Harlan and Glover (“As Long as We’re Together”), Kezia and the Gigantic Horse (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), Albert and Andrew Garvey (“Men Will Be Boys”), Charles and Jonathan Garvey (“Men Will Be Boys”), Joe Kagan and Hester-Sue (“Blind Journey”), Adam and Mr. Ames (“Blind Journey”), Mrs. Oleson and Nellie (“The Cheaters”), Mrs. Oleson and Samson (“Blind Journey”), Nellie and Andrew Garvey (“The Cheaters”), Toby Noe and Albert (“There’s No Place Like Home”), Toby Noe and the Widow Mumford (“‘Dance With Me’”), Miz Schiller and Mr. Nash (“As Long as We’re Together”), Mr. Swaggart and Shaughnessy (“The Godsister”), Hester-Sue and Toby Noe (“‘Dance With Me’”)

BEST PERFORMANCE (RECURRING CAST): TIE: Kevin Hagen (“Mortal Mission“), Matthew Labyorteaux (“‘As Long as We’re Together‘”), Katherine MacGregor (“The Cheaters”), Karl Swenson (“There’s No Place Like Home”)

A four-way tie, you ask? Yes. Hey, you can’t blame the Academy when there are this many rich performances to choose from. (And remember, Groovians can do whatever the hell they want!)

Jokes about dry lips aside, Kevin Hagen is usually superb in his appearances, but to date the Doc-specific episodes have been awkward at best. (And at worst, LAME.)

But in “Mortal Mission,” the character comes fully into focus as the Hiram Baker we want to see: hardworking, humane, heroic, but also exhausted and full of self-doubt – a flawed but ultimately magnificent human being.

Albert dominates Season Five, and in the season premiere, Matthew Labyorteaux is nothing short of stunning as he immediately makes the character essential to the ensemble.

Katherine MacGregor, who I don’t have to tell you deserves a lifetime achievement Groovy for Craziest Good/Bad performances, overdoes it at times this season. But she’s at her best in “The Cheaters,” where her taunting of the Garveys reminds us this woman isn’t simply a buffon. She has fucking fangs.

And Karl Swenson, who’s never won in this category before, brings a heartbreaking dignity to Mr. Hanson’s swan song. He’s simply lovely in it.

Runners-up: Alison Arngrim (“Fagin,” “The Cheaters”), Hermione Baddeley (“The Lake Kezia Monster”), Linwood Boomer (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “The Winoka Warriors,” “The Man Inside,” “The Wedding,” “The Sound of Children”), Richard Bull (“There’s No Place Like Home,” “Harriet’s Happenings,” “The Wedding,” “The Lake Kezia Monster,” “Barn Burner”), Dabbs Greer (“The Wedding,” “Blind Journey,” “‘Dance With Me,’” “Barn Burner”), Moses Gunn (“Blind Journey,” “Barn Burner”), Kevin Hagen (“There’s No Place Like Home,” “Blind Man’s Bluff,” “The Sound of Children”), Matthew Labyorteaux (“There’s No Place Like Home,” “Fagin,” “Men Will Be Boys,” “Blind Journey,” “The Craftsman,” “Mortal Mission,” “”The Odyssey”), Patrick Labyorteaux (“The Cheaters,” “Men Will Be Boys,” “Barn Burner”), Ketty Lester (“Blind Journey,” “Barn Burner,” “Mortal Mission”), Katherine MacGregor (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “There’s No Place Like Home,” “Harriet’s Happenings,” “Blind Journey,” “Mortal Mission”), Merlin Olsen (“As Long as We’re Together,” “There’s No Place Like Home,” “Men Will Be Boys,” “The Godsister,” “Barn Burner”), Hersha Parady (“The Cheaters,” “Mortal Mission“)

WORST PERFORMANCE (RECURRING CAST): Katherine MacGregor (various)

As I mentioned above, Katherine MacGregor’s acting could be a little “big” for TV; Melissa Gilbert told us she “had seniority among the overacting regulars.” And it’s true, there are times you can argue MacG goes a little too far this season. (But who cares, right?)

Runners-up: Linwood Boomer (“Blind Journey,” “The Enchanted Cottage”)

BEST PERFORMANCE (MAIN CAST): TIE: Melissa Sue Anderson (“There’s No Place Like Home“), Melissa Gilbert (“There’s No Place Like Home“), Karen Grassle (“There’s No Place Like Home“), Michael Landon (“There’s No Place Like Home“)

The main cast brought it again and again this season, but arguably the finest showcase for their acting is “There’s No Place Like Home,” Part One, in which each performer gets their own moment of absolute perfection. Seriously, go watch this one right now.

Runners-up: Melissa Sue Anderson (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “The Man Inside,” “The Wedding,” “The Enchanted Cottage”), Karen Grassle (‘“As Long as We’re Together,’” “Fagin,” “Blind Journey,” “The Godsister,” “The Sound of Children”), Melissa Gilbert (‘“As Long as We’re Together,’” “The Man Inside,” “Fagin,” “Blind Man’s Bluff,” “The Enchanted Cottage,” “The Odyssey”), Lindsay and Sidney Greenbush (“‘As Long as We’re Together,’” “The Wedding,” “Blind Journey,” “The Godsister,” “The Sound of Children”), Michael Landon (“Fagin,” “The Wedding,” “The Enchanted Cottage,” “‘Someone Please Love Me,’” “The Odyssey”)

WORST PERFORMANCE (MAIN CAST): Michael Landon (“Harriet’s Happenings“)

I may be alone here, but I find the finale of “Harriet’s Happenings” embarrassing, and Landon’s ranting only makes matters worse. The lady doth protest too much, Chuck.

Runners-up: Melissa Sue Anderson (“The Sound of Children”), Karen Grassle (“The Wedding,” “The Enchanted Cottage”), Michael Landon (“The Cheaters”)

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD (SPECIAL AWARD): Karl Swenson, Hermione Baddeley, Don “Red” Barry

Three Little House greats made their final appearances this season. We’ve already sung the praises of Don “Red” Barry and Karl Swenson, the latter of whom was sort of the glue holding the show together since the beginning. (Dagny once said, “Hanson’s such a sweetie-pie. I just want to pinch his little cute cheeks.”)

And Hermione Baddeley, a somewhat odd addition to the series, nevertheless gave it something unique and very, very funny.

Now for the best of the best and the worst of the worst! I’ll note that this season saw the bitterest disagreements among our reviewers I’ve ever seen.

FIVE BEST STORIES:

#5: The Craftsman

In a surprising upset, this one narrowly edged “Mortal Mission” out of the top five. Why? Well, one Academy member, and sometimes it only takes one, found Hester-Sue’s song in “MM” “too cheesy.” (I won’t say who it was, though I will mention she was an extremely spoiled child whose name rhymes with “Memilia” and who I knew would come to no good someday.)

In any case, “The Craftsman” is certainly a worthy replacement. Far from being a dull lecture about racism, it finds lyricism and wit in its story, and all the aesthetic elements are beautiful.

#4: Blind Journey

For such an epic story, “Blind Journey” is surprisingly character-driven. The cast is terrific, and Harriet Oleson’s evolution on race relations is genuinely moving – almost believable, even.

#3: The Godsister

A lot of people hate on this story, but our reviewers found it entertaining from beginning to end. We couldn’t look away, in fact! And it’s wonderful Lindsay and Sidney were able to share a moment in the spotlight. (I’m not sad they never had another one, but this one is okay by me.)

#2: “As Long as We’re Together“

Oh damn, is this one good! Perhaps the most satisfying two-parter ever, “‘As Long as We’re Together‘” tells its story beautifully – setting up all the dominoes in Part One and then letting them fall in Part Two. One magic moment after another.

#1: Barn Burner

Powerful and gripping, “Barn Burner” is extraordinary – “so good,” as one of our reviewers found it, “it almost doesn’t feel like Little House anymore!” Hmph. Not sure I love that description, but I do love the episode, which has terror, suspense, and deep emotion at its core.

FIVE WORST STORIES:

#5: The Winoka Warriors

I actually liked this better than I expected, but the Academy felt the “stop feeling sorry for yourself, Blindy” message was done better in “‘I’ll Be Waving as You Drive Away.'”

#4: The Odyssey

Some will say, how could anyone not like “The Odyssey“? Our panel was sharply divided, but the numbers don’t lie. While it’s grand in many ways, the Academy couldn’t get past the silliness of the central premise, and thought it often crossed the line into schlockfest territory. The fights were great, though.

#3: Blind Man’s Bluff

The sheer unlikeability of the central character, scheming circus fanboy Jordan Harrison, doomed this one to the bottom three.

#2: “Someone Please Love Me“

Our reviewers were also divided about this story, with one ranking it as the absolute best of the season. But its Chuck-centric narrative and puzzling resolution left most of the Academy cold.

#1: Fagin

No matter how much you like him (and I do), I’m not sure anybody would argue that there were too few Albert stories this season. If one had to be cut, our reviewers would pick this one, which is predictable and full of annoying behavior from all the characters.

And as always, for your consideration and pleasure, here’s the full list of our family’s aggregated rankings. (Votes were all over the place this year.)

Happy springtime holidays if you observe them, and see you back here for Season Six. (As Janis the muppet might say, can you get behind it?)

1. Barn Burner
2. “As Long as We’re Together”
3. The Godsister
4. Blind Journey
5. The Craftsman
6. Mortal Mission
7. Harriet’s Happenings
8. The Enchanted Cottage
9. The Wedding
10. The Lake Kezia Monster
11. Men Will Be Boys
12. There’s No Place Like Home
13. The Cheaters
14. “Dance With Me“
15. The Sound of Children
16. The Man Inside
17. The Winoka Warriors
18. The Odyssey
19. Blind Man’s Bluff
20. “Someone Please Love Me“
21. Fagin

UP NEXT: “‘Back to School,'” Part One