The King is Dead

Milo Meatloaf; or Charles’s Head is Disappearing Into His Hair (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: The King is Dead Airdate: November 12, 1979 Written and directed by Michael Landon SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: It’s a clash of the titans when amateur wrestler Jonathan Garvey turns pro. RECAP: First things first, very sad to hearContinue reading “The King is Dead”

The Return of Mr. Edwards

The California Ibex; or Old Dan Fuck Yourself (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: The Return of Mr. Edwards Airdate: November 5, 1979 Written by Arthur Heinemann Directed by Michael Landon SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: A beloved comic-relief character returns to this heartwarming family show and immediately attempts suicide. RECAP:  RAJA: You guys have aContinue reading “The Return of Mr. Edwards”

The Halloween Dream

Son of Mustache Man!; or You Give Ugg a Bad Name (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: The Halloween Dream Airdate: October 29, 1979 Written and directed by Michael Landon EDITOR’S NOTE: Literally everything about this episode is offensive. (Well, almost.) SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: In what’s regarded by many as the worst Little HouseContinue reading “The Halloween Dream”

The Preacher Takes a Wife

Reverend Fallden; or You May Ask Yourself, Where is My Beautiful Wife? (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: The Preacher Takes a Wife Airdate: October 22, 1979 Written by John T. Dugan Directed by Maury Dexter SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: Mrs. Oleson schemes to destroy Reverend Alden’s new love relationship – until surprise! a darkContinue reading “The Preacher Takes a Wife”

The Family Tree

Pin a Heart-Shaped Apron to Your Boobs, You’re Sure to Get a Husband; or Walnut Steamy? (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: The Family Tree Airdate: October 1, 1979 Written by Vincent R. Gutierrez Directed by William F. Claxton SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: When his biological father surfaces, Albert devises a twisted strategy to getContinue reading “The Family Tree”

Mortal Mission

Much Ado About Mutton; or Selling Poison Meat to Blind Orphans? What Kind of Show Is This? (a recap by Will Kaiser – Menz Weekend edition) Title: Mortal Mission Airdate: March 12, 1979 Written by John T. Dugan Directed by William F. Claxton SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: Half the town nearly dies of anthrax, andContinue reading “Mortal Mission”

“Someone Please Love Me”

She Want That Cookie Real Bad; or At Least She Doesn’t Have to Worry About Internet Brain Rot and AI (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: “Someone Please Love Me” [sic] Airdate: March 5, 1979 Written by Michael Landon Directed by William F. Claxton SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: In this Chuck-only episode, Charles ignites lust inContinue reading ““Someone Please Love Me””

Barn Burner

Look How Mad His Butt Is; or Hit Him With the Moose Head! (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: Barn Burner Airdate: February 19, 1979 Written by Don Balluck Directed by Michael Landon SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: After the Barn of Garve burns down (again), the rule of law finally comes to Walnut Grove.  DarkContinue reading “Barn Burner”

The Sound of Children

What Could Go Wrong?; or Notice It’s Not “The SIGHT of Children” (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: The Sound of Children Airdate: February 5, 1979 Written by Carole and Michael Raschella Directed by William F. Claxton SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: Depressing One Alert. Mary and Adam experience the first tragedy in their attempts toContinue reading “The Sound of Children”

“Dance With Me”

Oh Noes!!; or Pa’s Chest is the Perfect Roast-Chicken Color (a recap by Will Kaiser) Title: “Dance With Me” [sic] Airdate: January 22, 1979 Written by Paul Wolff Directed by Michael Landon SUMMARY IN A NUTSHELL: Toby Noe is captured and extradited to Walnut Grove, where he falls in love. RECAP: No time for aContinue reading ““Dance With Me””